My Third Year of College/Update/Thank-you

Dear family, friends, teachers, professors, and the others most important to me,

It is that time of year again. It has been 3 years at this beautiful place of East Texas Baptist University. Every time I sit down to write this down, I am in awe of the time that has so swiftly flown right by me. Just as with the previous, this year has been full of beauty, triumph, grace, battles, failure, loss, and everything inbetween.

I ended my last letter ready to go spend one more beautiful summer at Sky Ranch...and what a blessing it was. To start the summer, I ran through a maze of names and people to discover that my Senior Counselor and co-pilot would be none other than Miss Bailey Delp. (More on the excitement that ensued in a moment). Bailey and I were in the same mentor group the summer before and she has just been such an inspiration and is a beautiful sister in Christ. This was an answered prayer from God, as I prayed for a group of girls that would become friends as well as co-counselors. We were then blessed with Alana, Amy & Kassidy. The five of us are so very different but became very close friends. Alana has a nurturing, graceful spirit that I have never seen in someone my age. Amy has an eye for beauty that is so awesome. (I should have known that Doug's little sis would be such a cool girl.) Kassidy has such a sensitive heart and just knew how to love those little girls with just the right word. Our summer was full of adventure. In more modern words, one would say that we were cursed. Proof: 2 knocked out teeth, 1 broken foot, 1 broken wrist, 1 separated shoulder, and a crazy pinched nerve. That was just between the five counselors. Let us not talk about the beauty of Lice Chaos 2009. It was in a moment of having to lice shampoo every little girl and counselor in our cabin on the deck of our cabin that I saw the face of God. Walking with a little girl the next day, I was able to ask her if she remembered what we talked about during our much delayed 9pm bible study that night. She said, "Yes. About how Jesus died to save us. And I prayed that prayer you talked about and told Jesus I want him in my life. You said I could pray it in bed by myself, right?" Wow. When I was sitting and soaking up the chaos, God was moving THROUGH the chaos. Did I mention that the same boy that God used to bring us bottled water and peace during every moment of chaos, Jeff Green, was also the same boy that came and swept our little Bailey off her feet. I remember when she got back from their first "not date" and talked about how awesome he was, and how they discussed how God has just made them so content in being single. Its so awesome how God just blesses those who willingly serve Him with no hesitation.

I came back to ETBU in the fall to begin my role as Vice President in Delta Pi Theta and also working for the Russell family. I was given the opportunity work for a family and live with them as well. It was such an amazing time to spend with Galen and Michelle. Their family is more loving and appreciative than most I have met in life. They immediately welcomed me into their home in a time in which I was feeling further away from home than ever before. I had the honor of planning Delta Pi Theta's Alumni Tailgate Party. It was a huge task, but one that went off with only a hitch or two with the help of the 7 beautiful officers I served with. This fall was a time of learning and growing. My classes weren't too difficult, but I think that is because God knew this would be a time of learning more about who He is calling me to be. I learned how to enjoy peace and quiet, as well as how to love the ones I am called to love.

During Christmas break, I spent a few days at home and looked back at the past year again. (If you're interested, the note is on my page.)

This semester has been amazing. I celebrated 21 years of life with some wonderful friends in the city of Shreveport, Louisiana. I made my own birthday cake and in the midst of that, discovered a new talent/passion of mine. I realized that with the pressures of taking 19 hours in school, serving as Vice President for Delta, and being on the Debate team...it was time to leave my job with the Russell family. It felt like moving away from home all over again. But God immediately provided me with a growing friendship with Brit. She is my roommate and we've been friends, but this semester has just been a blast, as well as a blessing to watch her and Stephen grow together. In February, I was out to dinner with a friend and he asked me, "If you could do anything with your life, without hesitation, what would it be?" I didn't have an answer for him but called him a week later and yelped, "A florist! I would be a florist. I have always loved it and I would love to do that." As I left working for the Russell family, I called every florist in Marshall and one was hiring. I went in to "audition" and I was awful. I saw ribbons and roses and forgot everything I have learned about flowers. But Janice offered me the job and it has been amazing. I have gone into work every day excited about what I will be doing. I have worked with four mother-like women and learned how to be quiet and learn from others. I have discovered my creative desires. All those years that I watched my sister paint and draw while wishing I could do the same...and I found my artistic love!

As the summer begins, I will take one class during May and continue working at Rainbow Floral and leave for the summer, only to return to my job in August. I am going to return home for a beautiful summer with my family. It has been far too long since I spent a summer and I can't wait. I got a job at Nasa Flowers just a mile away from my mom's, where I will be staying for the summer. It has been so cool to call and talk to her through the semester and hang up the phone saying, "I can't wait till this summer!" God has blessed me with such an amazing friend in my mom and I can't wait to continue to explore who He created each of us to be as we share a summer. (Not to mention hanging with my sisters and step-dad.)

Finally, God has begun laying a passion on my heart. I am called to love Him first and then love others. God has begun to explain to me what that looks like. I am learning how to love others, even when it isn't easy. And I beginning to see how my faith is empty if I don't ACT on it. I have also realized the fire He has lit in my heart for travelling. One short trip to see my very best friend, Ellie, in Colorado and it is more affirmed than ever before. I am prayerfully pursuing a path He is laying out in front of me as a finish my last year of college. I have some ideas of the direction, but I'm going to let Him solidify it before I go shouting it from the rooftops. (Something I def want to do.)

As usual, I end this letter with thanks. Thank you to Sky Ranch, for being a place of growth and truth. I get so exSKYted when I meet the newbies for this summer. They're a great bunch. Thank you to Delta, both the members and the officers. It has been a blessing and I am so thankful for all the love I can share with you ladies every Wednesday night and beyond. Thank you to my beautiful Kayla, Sarah, Brit, Emilee, Lindsey, Janelle, and all the other beautiful ladies that have made a way into my heart and life this year. You have reminded me, once again, of the beauty of community. Ellie, thank you for being the best friend that every girl dreams of. For showing me around your beautiful town and just the heart you have for others. I am so thankful every day for a best friend like you. I learn from you, even when you think I don't notice. Thank you to the professors that continually push me to be more than I think I can be. It is your loving guidance that got me the gradepoint average, knowledge, and passion for learning that I now have. Thank you to the friends and family at home. You keep me grounded and constantly pull me closer and closer to home, even when I feel so far away. (And Michael, for being a wonderful young man that I praise God for everytime I see the ways He continues to grow you in the land of Australia. Come home?)

I end with the same verse as in December and say, let's praise God and then tell others what he is doing in our lives.

"You rule from Zion, Lord, and we sing about you to let the nations know everything you have done."
Psalm 9:11
CEV

How's THAT for living?

One hundred thirty.

That's how many minutes I spent on the phone with my mom last night. Part of the wonder at that is the fact that I placed the call at 10:34pm.

I called my mom to inform her that I was investing in a hammock to sleep in during the summer while I live with her. While I thought I should let her know, part of the reason I called was because I figured she would have a good laugh over the idea. The words out of her mouth: "Oh, that's SO cool! Sonny (my step-dad) and I have been discussing getting an air mattress so we can sleep on our balcony during the summer!"

I should have known at this point that we would spend a couple hours catching up and pouring out of hearts, ideas, burdens, questions, dreams, etc.

Most of our heart to heart could be summed up in one word: "Why?"

I have just been pondering life and the meaning of it and thought..."Why do I have to get a career after I graduate?" If I'm lucky, I could live to be 80 years old. That means I have already lived over a quarter of my life.

In Jon Krakauer's 1996 novel "Into The Wild," the main character is quoted, "Mr. Franz I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one." We discussed how much of what the character did in this story was running aware from reality and trying to prove something to those around him. But he had such a good point in this line. WHY? Even if I graduate with my degree and don't get a career, I will still have seen my time here as important and very valuable. In his semi-autobiographical novel, "Through Painted Deserts," Donald Miller writes, "Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." And that is what I have done. I left and I am ready to go back for the summer to work and love my home for all new reasons.

I just finished one of Donald Miller's newer books, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years."
VERY intriguing idea: "The thing I never realized while I was studying marketing was the process of advertising products is, in many ways, a manipulation of the elements of story (life). It's like I was telling you about an inciting incident disrupting the stability of a character's life, throwing him or her into a story. Advertising does exactly this. We watch a commerical with a new Volvo, and suddently we feel our life isn't as content as it once was. Our life doesn't have the new Vovlo. And we begin the story of buying it, only to repeat the story with a new weed eater and then a new home stereo. And it goes on for a lifetime. When the credits roll, we wonder what we did with our lives, and what was the meaning. The ambitions we will become the stories we live. If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want. If we don't want anything, we are living boring stories, and if we want a Roomba vacuum cleaner, we are living stupid stories. If it won't work in a story, it won't work in life."

I have made the decision to stop listening to the commercials. I don't need to be a size 3, or even a size 7 for that matter. I don't need to be unnaturally dark skinned. I don't need fake contacts or highlights. I don't need a new teapot because it has a nice floral print and would look good on my shelf.

My life is NOT the things I have, it is the things I do/experience/enjoy.

I have more thoughts on this...but I am going to walk away from the computer and experience some more life.

Today's experience: Sitting in a local independent bookstore reading and conversing with two retired men about life and good music. Ate chopped BBQ sandwiches with them. 7 holes of golf. Laid in a hammock.

How's that for living life?

"Well, its almost 1am. I'm going to go to bed..."

How About New Shoes?

Our God is not the God of America. Our God is God of all people.

"From one man he created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and he determined their boundaries." Acts 17:26 (NLT)

I recently read an article in which the author posed the question, "What if a cooperative interdependence took the place of our misguided sense of independence in America and then the world?" This line has since been haunting me.

In Moral Seminar, we are currently looking at Morality & Emotion. This chapter has begun to help me connect my implicit (internalized, unspoken) feeling with an explicit (outward, spoken/written) action. Which leads me to the very common question for myself: WHY?

Why have we become a people that look to our own interests? (When I say we, I am speaking to those of us who call ourselves Christians/believers/children of God.) Others are more than welcome to read this, but this is a call/plea to the people that cling to the same faith and hope in this God that I do.

When was the last time I/you/we cried over the death of an Iraqi soldier? When did I/you/we become to believe that fighting a war to "protect" our nation was appropriate because we are defending what we believe is right? Why is the death of innocent Iraqi bystanders in these battles "just a part of war", while the 3,497 people who died through the tragedies of 9/11 was "unthinkable"? I agree that these American deaths were tragic. My heart broke as I walked through the streets of New York six years later and saw memorials all around me. When did I/you/we find time to cry for the citizens of other nations that have died as a part of this war?

Larry P. Nucci (quoted/discussed in previous blogs) notes that emotional development underlies the development of both moral and religious beliefs. Is it that many of us are not emotionally mature enough to view this situation (among many other daily injustices) through the lenses of the faith I/you/we so adamantly proclaim?...

Nucci states that a person who is emotionally immature will hold religious beliefs differently from people who are more mature. This sounds a lot like someone who reads the Word, goes to church, truly tries to love God...and overlooks all of this, casting judgement on a homosexual sin. When I/you/we meet someone who is homosexual, how easy is it to judge them and start to pray/think/plan on ways to "help them out of their sin." When was the last time I/you/we confronted or prayed for a friend who was struggling with cheating on tests...or lying to their parents...or worrying ("Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" Matt 6:25)???

I say all of this because these thoughts are swirling through my head. They won't be answered today. They can't be changed throughout the world in a day...but they are things to be thought about/chewed on/wrestled with/internalized.

Lately God has been calling me to love people. I know we are ALL ALWAYS called to love people...but He has been making it painfully obvious.

American journalist, Dorothy Day, once said, "If you own two coats, one of them belongs to the poor."

Saturday, I went through all of my clothes, shoes, etc and got rid of half of it. I counted what I kept and what I got rid of to hold myself accountable. When I went to the clothing/shelter donation box, I dropped off 7 trashbags full of belongings. I was excited on the drive over there...hoping that following God's whispers would lead me to feel accomplished and a 'faithful follower'...but instead, I left with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. The clothes I dropped off completely filled up the empty bin. There are homeless people who wear the same clothes every single day and I was able to give away half of what I owned and not only do I not miss any of it...I can't really tell you right now what was in those bags.

I'm thanking God for His lesson, as I continue to seach for ways to love His people more than I do today. I want to love Him more tomorrow than I do today. To quote my wonderful friend Curt Vernon “I pray that tonight is the farthest that we ever are from you Lord.”

One last idea from Nucci: "Perspective takig is necessary if one is to understand. One must temporarily suspend one's own perspective in order to take that of another, much as you must take off your own shoes in order to try on another pair."

Take off the shoes of comfort.

Take off the shoes of apathy.

Take off the shoes of believing that Americans are in any way more deserving of anything.

Take off the shoes of judgement.

Take off the shoes of being right in an argument.

Take off the shoes of somehow thinking you know better.

Take off ALL of your shoes....and put on the shoes of a Big Guy. He is so much better at teaching you how to walk through this life. Some times, the shoes feel awkward and it is SO much easier to get back into the old shoes. But that's the point! He is growing you...for the rest of your days. But every single day you follow Him, you will grow into those shoes will feel better.

And remember, there is room in those shoes because they are His. He is walking in them and you are too. He was meant to walk it with you. If you try to borrow them and do it on your own, you will fail. They're pretty big shoes to fill.