Today, I spent the afternoon shopping and eating frozen yogurt with Sarah. We watched a documentary and a romance film. We went grocery shopping.
And said, "Guys suck. They are so dumb!" over and over again.
I have yet again learned the lesson of getting too close to someone before they deserve it. I didn't fall in love or anything, but I had those really long heartfelt conversations with someone that didn't deserve to know anything about my heart yet. I told secrets I should have kept to myself and shared little inside jokes that I should have waited for.
If you would have asked me at fifteen, I would have told you I would have had men (as well as love, marriage, sex, and my career) figured out by the age of twenty-two. It just seemed so obvious when I was in high school that life would make enormous sense when I was walking about this planet proudly displaying my college degree. Today, nothing seemed further from the truth. Rather than crying to my sister and chatting with my friends on AIM about my awful encounter, I sat at my best friends house and listed good reasons to get over it and enjoy my summer/life with a lesson learned behind me.
What I realized today was not a lesson learned, but an epiphany of a moral quality that I have grown into. I didn't wish him anything negative. I actually said, "I'm trying not to be angry, because I want you to have what makes you happy. Just trying to deal in my own way, ya know?" Re-playing those words in my head, today is not a failure but a monumental success. I have grown away from the "I hate men" attitude I once held when things didn't go the way I imagined them and have realized I have a long life ahead of me. I took it all with a grain of salt and wished him well in future endeavors, though they would not involve me.
Here's to lessons learned. Here's to growing up. Here's to letting go of the things that don't bring us joy and moving towards a more complete fullfilling life.
Most of all, here is to going to bed with a peaceful heart and mind.
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